welcome 2008 vs fav song of 2007

actually nothing much abt new year, bg aku...tak de apa yg special, biasa la masuk tahun baru. another one year older. cumanya utk jd lebih baik drp semalam. tahun baru ni kira mcm a milestone je utk melihat ke tahap mana dah kita. makin baik atau kecundang. boleh aje pilih bulan may ke jun atau mana2 masa yg kita nak as a milestone for a new beginning. bagi org yg mcm aku yg dah masuk tahap mature ni (the most complex of the entire cycle) we seek to "find ourselves" and "express ourselves". Personal fulfillment is our constant quest, There is so much going on in our psyches which other people cannot fathom, and ourselves pun tak faham. sadis kan? so to all my fren here...SELAMAT TAHUN BARU 2008, MOGA KITA JD A BETTER PERSON

BIG GIRL DUN CRY - FERGIE

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

Your probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection baby

To be with myself instead of calamity

Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, Myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But Ive got to get a move on with my life

Its time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry

The path that I'm walking

I must go alone

I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and uno cards

Ill be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine

Yes you can hold my hand if u want to

Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

But its time for me to go home

Its getting late, dark outsideI

need to be with myself instead of calamity

Peace, Serenity

P/S : but in reality.... big gals do cry and even worst... they look ugly :P

2.00 in the afternoon

i was awaiting a friend for a lunch together that day....oo gosh, an orchestra was busy playing its music in my stomach, feeling so starving. send a message to ask her whereabout once, she replied, 'odw' then i thought instead of keep on looking to the roadside for her to come, it cld be better if i snap some picture of the green lush around...just to divert my anticipation of her to arrive fast...so here they are...see the branches, fallen leaves and the canopy built...aren't they beautiful? when ila arrived, i showed her the trees' pictures that i have taken near the carpark...word from her was, "the forgotten trees yet so beautiful"

taraaa....

lengthy words without image is boring. so i have decided to share my fav. photos here..photos of my niece and nephew, Yasmin & Adam. they both are very close to each other. Yasmin tends to imitate what Adam's doing. for instant, these photo are one of the example...o ooo...i guess yasmin noticed that she hasn't doing well with that finger thing, so again she tried her self....taraaa.... mission accomplished ! well done yasmin, well done clever girl, untie na luv u

emotionally attached

One fine day I asked the doctor (I used to go this clinic because of its friendly lady doctor each time not feeling well) how she feels about being one. Her reply came without hesitation: "It's intellectually stimulating, but you deal with real issues – sick & dying ppl. And you're emotionally attached to them, and it's not easy." She then added, "we have to be emotionally attached to our patients to truly give good care as a doctor."

I found this level of commitment very heartening. Although we might think that some emotions seem irrational, it is entirely rational to have emotions.

How much are emotions worth? Can they be bought? It seems unlikely - especially if those emotions are genuine. Something you can't buy with money yet you would easily pay for. I thk we've just got to be lucky in life to find genuine experiences.

I am wondering why some people can ignore this feeling just like that. They seem able to close their eyes, back stabbing, pretending they know nothing. As long as in the eyes of the boss they are superb!! Well I cld sense this here...

boredom

this time i will write about my boredom. this feeling just not fade away even after i changed work place or the house/place where i live or even the job to support my life. i keep on thinking by switching these will clear myself from feeling bored. i had also involved with the so called out door activities (well it is not really me in the beginning. but now i m ok with that. i used to be labelled as puteri lilin by my friends in the dormitory back in schooling years) like jogging (eventhough once a while), trekking the jungle in taman negara, learned how to swim and snorkling, i climbed and explored few hills, caves in sarawak and pahang but yet the joy is only for a short period of time. the feeling's always coming back.

last night i came to understand of why that feeling arouse. it's because my mind is bored, it is about my state of mind which always thirst for something stimulating. actually it was nothing to do with boring place, boring thing, boring people or what so ever! it is not 100% caused by external factors, but internally. am i going to search in my entire life for something stimulating more and more for just not to feeling bored?

i realized that i am becoming less sensitive and ignorance. my attention span is too short. once done (sometimes not even finish) i start looking for something else. now what i need to do is to learn on how to relax and enjoy the moment passes. be it in the situation, or what i am doing throughout my everyday life. from now on i need to sit back and relax watching the sun rises or may be the birds fly. i think i had enough of (too much i guess) fast kind of things in my life. i listen to fast music, i eat fast, i walk fast, i talk fast. it's just like time is pushing and is after me at all the times. not to say that i have to stop all that but once in a while i should opt for something relaxing and easy.

yes, it's all about balanced life!

news from a friend

i read this somewhere

"Some people believe that suicide is the answer to their problems; I too believe that some people's suicides are the answer to my problems"

gunshot

somehow or rather, i think i understand how he felt inside. but too bad, he took his life himself!


A killer speaks :
You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy’s life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people.

• Do you know what it feels to be spit on your face and to have trash shoved down your throat? Do you know what it feels like to dig your own grave? Do you know what it feels like to have throat slashed from ear to ear? Do you know what it feels like to be torched alive? Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated and be impaled upon on a cross? And left to bleed to death for your amusement? You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?

• You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn’t enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren’t enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn’t enough. Your vodka and Cognac weren’t enough. All your debaucheries weren’t enough. Those weren’t enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything.

Q&A

if ppl will to ask abt me at this moment of time, the words from my mouth wld be...

1. I'm a bit of a cheeky monkey, teasing and flattering but sarcastic and self-deprecating at the same time.
2 I'm a big sports fan (only for tennis, even i don't play it) and particularly those on tracks.
3. Food is really important to me. I enjoy cooking (once in a while though) & eating with friends (or just myself)
4. I enjoy doing those house chores like mopping, sweeping, cleaning but I can be lazy though
5. I hardly manage to bear slow people who always behave like they've just woken up (unless if it's totally a new thing discovered/known by him or her)
6. I'm reliable and truly helpful.
7. I'm not too fussed about things but I'm quite rancorous if someone’s being mean to me.
8. Family is important to me and I worship friendship.

sandaran hati

terkejut aku dapat email dr ruby. jarang sekali aku terima email drnya. it was sent on 3rd of sep. aku yg lambat check email tu. in her email, she has not say anything except this song lyrics. dia yg ku kenal mmg special. artistic and berfalsafah orgnya. dan jika betullah apa kata lirik lagu ni seperti apa yg kamu rasa sekarang, aku doakan u tak perlu lama2 memendam hati..moga kamu, dia (dan aku juga) bahagia selalu dan bukan yg buat2...i know ur inner u


yakinkah ku berdiri
di hempa tanpa tepi
bolehkah aku mendengarmu
terkubur dalam emosi
tanpa bisa bersembunyi
aku dan nafasku
merindukanmu
terpuruk ku di sini
terangi dia yang sepi
dan ku tahu pasti
kau menemani
dalam hidupku
kesendirianku
teringat ku teringat
pada janjimu ku terikat
hanya sekejap ku berdiri
kulakukan sepenuh hati
peduli ku peduli
siang dan malam yang berganti
pedihku ini tak ada arti
jika kaulah sandaran hati
kaulah sandaran hati
sandaran hati
inikah yang kau mau
benarkah ini jalanmu
hanyalah engkau yang ku tuju
pegang erat tanganku
bimbing langkah kakiku
aku hilang arah
tanpa hadirmu
dalam gelapnya
malam hariku

cerita dari blog lama

actually aku start blogging since november 2005 kat site yg mmg tak user friendly. klu nk type lebih2 kena bayar n etc. tp aku keep on writing there pasal aku suka dan terpesona dgn few bloggers yg encouraged me to write again and again. aku ttp akan tulis kat situ walaubagaimana sekali pun. aku appreciate sgt dgn mereka yg so kind n nice to me. there are so wonderful. where in the world aku nak kenal strangers yg baik hati..ye tak? tp aku rasa syg lak dgn all my entries tu kalau tak di copy ke sini. (err tp rajinkah aku nk copy semua kat sini? tengoklah camna nanti) saje la site ni aku leh access from work place but not the other site tu, so..apa lg :) aku ckp kat diri sendirik nih, enjoy la blogging mek na oiii....


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Tentang aku

Sebagai permulaan, sedikit tentang aku..chinese look.. kawan rapat aku kata aku ni tak garang tapi tegas dgn keputusan yang aku buat, suka makan nasi tanpa kuah, tabiat membaca yang sukar difahami..melentang boleh, baring boleh, banyak lagi la gaya membaca aku. Suka tengok filem yg heavy, suka benda² yang fakta aje, bila marah cepat cool, senang maafkan orang, tak romantik di luar tapi romantik di dalam dan selamba semacam jek Aku suka muzik yang rancak ala² dance atau rock music. Programme tv aku suka Gilmore Girls dan drama Jepun / Korea & some selected English or International movies played on TV atau kat cinema. I used to have 7 pen pals around the world during my schooling time. Tapi la ni semua dah lost contact. I think I want to start it back.. making friends from all over the world through internet. Ok until then, c ya. Chow.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Apa aku rasa

Sebut pasal tsunami, byk benda sedih yg dipaparkan dlm media elektronik dan media cetak. Aku memang turut bersimpati dengan tragedi yg byk meragut nyawa dan segala yg dimiliki mangsa yang terlibat. Bagi aku, tsunami buat aku kagum dengan kebesaran tuhan. Kuasanya melebihi segala yang ada. Aku bersyukur masih hidup, dapat aku melihat sendiri segala yang terjadi walaupun hanya dari bahan bacaan. Terngiang² ustaz aku masa darjah 6 bercerita tentang hari kiamat, bahtera nabi Noh, peristiwa bah besar, lautan terbelah dll. Masa tu aku tak dapat bayangkan betapa dasyhat kemusnahan yag terjadi but now I start to understand of all the meanings. Peristiwa tsunami ini satu sejarah. Kalau dulu aku hanya mengetahui mengenai malapetaka dunia ie peristiwa Pompeii, gunung Karakatua meletus dan byk lagi melalui pelajaran sejarah but today I had experienced it myself....living!

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I'll miss u

Sejak 2 minggu puasa lagi, adik aku di Shah Alam dah eksport 2 org anaknya iaitu kakak, 5 tahun dan Adam, 3 tahun ke rumah parents aku. So bermulalah saat mak aku kata aku dah jadi mak nombor 2 mereka. Mereka hanya akan dengar cakap aku aje. Kalau tok atau tok wan yg cakap, mmg tak jalan. B4 aku pergi kerja aku mesti bangunkan si kakak utk aturan tandasnya. Kalau tak buat, alamat silap haribulan banjir setempat. Si kakak ni hanya nak aku saja yg kejutkan dia. Balik dari kerja pula aku kena suapkan makan dan mandikan mereka. Tidur malam pula kena tidur bersama mereka di atas tilam yg dibentangkan di atas lantai dibilik mak aku. So terpaksalah aku tinggalkan katil kesayangan aku tu buat sementara. Penat mmg penat tapi aku redha dek kerana sgt sayangkan 2 anak buah aku yg so adorable! Next week ayah mereka dah nak import balik ke Shah Alam semula and for sure I'll miss them dan pagi² tiadalah kata² "bye mak long" sebaik tayar kereta bergolek ke opis.

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Danau Toba

Terlanjur aku dah ke Medan atas urusan kerja, aku ajak boss pergi ke Danau Toba. Bagi aku kalau ke Medan wajib ke Danau Toba. Sampai di kaki pergunungan Parapat, pemandangan sgt indah dgn hijau bukit bukau, pokok pine serta keindahan tasik dari pandangan atas bukit sungguh memukau. Papan tanda yg poetic sekali bahasanya "Hutan Itu Paru-Paru Dunia". Pengalaman menyusuri tasik yang berkedalaman 400m memang buat aku kecut perut. Aku tak naik feri tapi naik bot yang hanya boleh memuatkan max 6 org. Muka aku basah terpercik air yg agak berombak petang tu. Aku tak fikir lain masa tu hanya berdoa jgnlah bot ni terbalik atau pecah semasa melawan ombak. Kami singgah di Tomok, tempat beli belah yg sunyi dan sepi, gerai jualan byk tapi pembelinya kurang. Jadilah kami org yg dipaksa untuk membeli. Sadis betul! Hajat nak singgah tempat penari kaleng tak kesampaian, hari dah hampir gelap. Untuk keselamatan elok balik ke hotel saja. Tamat.

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Saturday, December 10, 2005

Medan

Petang Khamis minggu lepas tiba² aku diarahkan boss bersiap sedia utk ke Medan bersamanya on the next day. Perasaan itu datang semula. Aku gabra naik flight. Tengahari Jumaat itu seat pula di bahagian hadapan, buatkan aku terasa benar dongakan masa MAS aircraft was taking off. Masa tu zikir jd peneman dan aircraft selamat landing di Polonia. Selesai tugasan, baki masa yang ada, kami ke Danau Toba. Perjalanannya +/- 4 jam dari hotel yg ditengah bandar itu. Sepanjang perjalanan aku dapat lihat sesuatu yg tiada di M'sia. W/pun jalannya sempit & byk selekoh tapi pemandu tempatan sgt bertoleransi, penganut kristian yg berkebaya lengkap dgn sanggul on their way nak pi service di gereja yg byk jumlahnya, papan tanda jualan babi panggang, wanita & jala ikan minta derma utk bina masjid, uniform pelajar sekolah yang 3,4 warna, pekan yg byk jual dodol. Ini semua menambah warna baru dlm hidup aku!

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Monday, January 23, 2006

bosan tahap tinggi?

pernah suatu hujung minggu tu takde benda nak buat, aku park kete kat kelana jaya & naik lrt tanpa ada hala tuju. perhatikan gelagat manusia dlm lrt. satu ketika tu aku rasa mcm aku sorang je yg ada dlm lrt tu. i've found my own peace dlm kesesakan manusia! last weekend aku ke apmt kawan baik aku, saje teman kan dia sambil berborak² dan yg paling best dia cite kat aku pengalaman dia naik bas awam ke tempat keje hari khamis lepas. sengaja dia naik bas utk hilangkan rasa bosan dgn rutin harian pagi² memandu. cite lelaki gemuk dgn seorg wanita. terkekeh² aku ikut ketawa dgr citenya. coincidently adik aku sms dr s.alam kata dia tgh buat keje giler, t-shirt kelabu + selipar jepun + track bottom, dgn moto my bro dia ronda² ikut guthrie highway sorang diri pas tu singgah kat shopping mall baru kat belakang pkns utk beli perfume body shop!! so kalau anda rasa bosan, cubalah buat keje giler sorang². terasa kelainannya :-)

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

single punye cite

petang tadi boss aku announced kat 4 org kami that new staff is joining us next monday. dan siap cakap lagi kat aku...he is single. dah lah aku sorang je perempuan kat dept. ni. mentang² aku tak kawin asal dengar single je mesti kenen kat aku. oh my goodness! thanx kerana ambil berat. tapi kau tak tau bos...bagi aku perkara cam tu susah nak cakap. belum tentu single sama single bertemu boleh terus 'on'. aku tak memilih sgt, bukan juga anti lelaki infact aku suka bekerja dgn lelaki dr bekerja dgn perempuan, kaum sejenis aku...lelaki to me lebih straight forward & funny too. i can speak out anything in mind. mereka tak simpan dlm hati. tapi tu la, i never had any serious relationship with men. don't ask me why, friend... coz i also don't know why. ini tuhan punya kuasa. doa je la yg terbaik utk aku ok :-)

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

eee kasarnya

secara sedar atau tidak. di cafeteria tadi, seorang wanita kedengaran cara bercakapnya begitu kasar dgn aksi sila panggung dan menggoyang² kakinya sambil tangan menyuap makanan ke mulut tanpa mengendahkan org lain yg berkongsi meja dengannya. aku pun heran, kenapa perlu bercakap kuat? walhal kawan perempuannya itu hanya selang satu tempat duduk darinya. dunia sekarang benar² berubah..semua nak cepat, pintas, deras dll tanpa memperdulikan keadaan di sekeliling asalkan matlamat peribadi tercapai!! oh dunia..kiamat makin dekat.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

happy ending

lately kau selalu muncul dlm hidup aku
masa makan kau datang
masa aku nak tido pun kau dtg
masa tengok tv kau main cilut cak lagi dgn aku
masa aku membaca pun kau nak kacau aku
aku depan pc ni pun kau tetap menjengah
even masa sembahyang pun kau kacau aku
allah tau aku...moga keajaiban berlaku, amin.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I live my life frugally!

Aku percaya ramai yg dpt bonus hujung tahun lepas. Aku dpt gak tp tiada plan lagi nak buat apa hinggalah petang tadi aku terdpt idea nak repaint kete aku, betulkan here and there. Ini sbg pembakar semangat utk start a new life in 2006. Sabtu ni set, hantar workshop. Ramai yg kutuk kete aku buruk..especially ayah. He says buy a new one lah...mmg kalu ikut hati nak tapi aku tak kuasa nak ada hutang besar lagi. Cukuplah dgn apartment aku satu. It's now become a liability to me. Aku tak sewakan dan aku pun tak duduk di sana. Selesa lagi tinggal dgn parents. Nak jual..tiada pembeli. Nak sewakan takut jadi cam kawan aku, tenant tak bayar & lari mlm lak tu. Tapi sekali pk, gasak je la. belum cuba belum tahu. Esok balik keje aku akan tampalkan iklan apmt utk disewa. Tahun baru ni aku akan guna duit byk kalu application aku utk further study tu berjaya...i'll be terribly bz nanti. Juggling my time between study and work.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Kenapa la aku malas

Lately aku memang malas kerja. Tambah lagi bos kesayangan aku dah resign last week. Ingat nak cari kerja yg dekat dgn area rumah aku sekurang²nya tidak lagi stuck in the massive jam daily. Aku pergi career fair hari Sabtu lepas, hampeh mana ada walk-in i/view. Submit resume je la. Sekali pk macam nak buat biz tapi nak biz apa? Petang tadi aku baca Azizi's book - the millionaire in me...inspirational juga. Aku cuba nak follow his advice. Get more networks, create a second income, add new knowledge in your life. So sape² yg minat cakap pasal managing money...u r welcome to drop me some emails. Maybe we cld share something towards better life i mean abt money and how to make it works for us?

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

thank you

memang seronok kalau tiba² ada org buat something surprise kat kita. khamis lepas aku dpt birthday cake and a set of brooch dr 3 org anak buah aku kat opis. patutlah sehari sebelum tu depa sibuk tanya what is my favourite colour, i dgn selamba je jawab biru dan putih. dan kek yg depa sediakan tu pun icing layernya warna putih dgn wording 'selamat harijadi xxxxxx' nya warna biru. aku betul² terharu. terimakasih ros, aisiah dan ct. i appreciate it very much. love u.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

patut ke?

hari ni aku ada mixed feelings when my mom told me that my younger sis nak bertunang. gembira pasal adik aku nak bertunang dgn lelaki yg sgt sayangkannya. sedih pasal aku, si kakak yg tak kahwin² bahkan tak de bf pun lagi. inilah kehidupan...aku kena terus melaluinya dgn tabah & berfikiran positiflah nampaknya. tapi susah juga nak sorok rasa sedih yg suddenly datang ni. jalan penyelesaiannya tadi aku masuk bilik air and sengaja let the running water from the shower hose falls onto my head lama²... lega sikit rasanya. it works!

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

pindah

last weekend aku & kawan baik aku ani, basuh apmt aku. masuk ni dah 2x ani tolong aku cuci apmt tu. 1st time tu aku tak jd pindah coz asyik bertangguh nak kemas barang hingga dah berabuk lantai, terus buat aku malas. kali ni aku nekad utk pindah. selepas hampir 3 tahun aku biar ia tak berpenghuni. tangki bilik air yg ada prob, pintu bilik air yg aku nak tukar ke jenis lain dan mosquito net yg aku nak pasang tu dah siap semuanya. so this weekend aku akan berangkut barang². langsir aku dah siap beli last weekend. warna berlainan utk setiap ruang. decoration mirror pun aku dah beli. lepas ni, malam² aku akan slowly decorate apmt aku. mungkin aku akan mulakan dengan mengecat one side of my living room's wall to apple green to match with the living hall's curtain :-)

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

katakan dgn indah

aku suka lagu ni tapi tak berapa ambil tau liriknya...aku suka mendengar bait2 liriknya dan lebih best bila tengok video clipnya. aku boleh berulang2 kali menontonnya

ku katakan dgn indah dgn terbuka
hatiku hampa, sptnya luka menghampirinya
kau beri rasa yg berbeda mungkin ku salah mengertikannya
yg ku rasa cinta
tetapi hatiku, terlalu meninggikanmu, selalu meninggikanmu
membuatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi......
.........
..........
kau hancurkan hati, hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatiku utk melihatmu
kau terangi jiwaku, kau gelapkan lagi
.......
........

PETERPAN

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

tak sporting

last weekend aku cruising the north south highway dengan mak. saja nak habiskan cuti 3 hari, hujung minggu + thaipusam. along the journey to and fro, aku nampak beberapa adegan yg elok dijadikan renungan bersama :
1. sikap segelintir org yg suka buang sampah merata2. somewhere in perak adalah satu kete ni yg nampak gaya pemandunya sedang menikmati kelazatan buah2an yg mungkin dibeli di r&r tapah kot...yg tak bestnya, toiinnkk plastic pembungkus dibuang di jlnraya!
2. ketekunan pemungut/pekerja plus/propel yg memungut sampah di tepi2 jln. di tengahari panas berbekalkan motor dan kayu pemungut sampah. aku salute mereka ini. mmg aku akui highway bersih. ini menunjukkan betapa kita manusia saling melengkapi satu sama lain. kalu semua org tak sanggup nak buat kerja camtu, susah juga nak maintain kebersihan highway ni
3. sikap segelintir org yg memandu di lorong laju/ memotong spt bapak dia punya jalan. jalanraya bukan tempat makan angin la kawan!

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Thursday, February 9, 2006

manja

kadang2 kita rasa kita fail to do the task given bcoz it's really comes from us, we r not good enough or sometimes just simply throw it to the other people's fault. but b4 go on further blaming here and there pls chunk the prob into pieces. see and scrutinize for the rootcause...is that really our incapability in handling things or due to some work circumstances/red tapes or combination of both which's holding us back!! by chunking, we cld get clearer picture of what's happening. see your prob in helicopter view. this will lead us to tackle the prob in better perspective. do your best as u cld and always pray to God for the guidance. and remember one thing, no one's perfect. we human always make mistake. just forget them and live ahead. life's short. be happy

ini nasihat kepada adik perempuan bongsu aku, ita yg manja tak habis.

50th merdeka annivesary & me

30th August,
start balik keje petang khamis tu aku dah plan nk ajak ani pi lepak kat pantai sambil tunggu org pasang bunga api. tapi bila aku sampai umah malam tu aku changed plan. tak jd lah. malas pulak nak kuar memalam. ye la aku ni kan boleh kira mcm endangered species. perempuan yg tak pandai kuar malam & shopping. perasan la sikit kan. tapi mmg betul pun, kan? mana ada org ppuan yg tak suka shopping ye dak? so malam tu aku buat case studies & layan baca blog sambil jenguk2 kat tingkap dapur apmt aku bila dengar ada bunyi letupan bunga api...wah cantiklah. tak yah kuar pun dapat nengok gak ckp aku dlm hati.

31st August,
bangun pg aku terus bersiap2 nak ke starbuck jumpa geng kelas aku. the main reason kami buat pot kat situ pasal its free wifi. belilah juice apa yg patut utk cover line supaya tak nampak mcm nak berinternet free kan. kami janji nak buat asgmnt sama2. depa 3 org tu satu grp, aku lak all alone. my other 2 grp members meresap. aku bg chance la kat depa be with their family cuti2 nih. aku ni single so aytime aku boleh bercuti, ikut suka aku. tak perlu nak adjust masa here n there to be together. kami dok kat situ sampai petang, time solat kitorang pi kat petronas stn, nasib baik petronas ada provide surau for public use. di samping buat keje sekolah kitorang tu, sempat gak 2 org kwn aku tadi pi cilok tanya2 package facial treatment kat labote. so around 4+ kami cunggit pi buat facial. ok gak ler...release stress n so relaxing. dalam pukul 7 kami pun baliklah. aku terus singgah rumah mak aku, saje la, aku kalau sehari tak tenung/pandang muka mak ayah aku..rasa macam kehilangan je. depa mungkin tak tau apa yg aku rasa, pasal aku ni jenis yg tak pandai nk tunjuk perasaan dalaman aku dgn kata2. yelah aku percaya, action speaks louder than words. itu adalah antara sebab aku balik keje kat sini. dulu masa keje kat usj, mmg best take de yg tak menyeronokkan. cumanya satu hari tu, aku tiba2 teringat mak ayah aku yg semakin tua. aku kurang spent masa dengan mereka masa zaman muda2 dulu. dan aku bayangkan kalau la depa ... dan aku tak de kat sisi, aku akan menyesal seumur hidup. then aku terfikir pulak mungkin pasal tu la juga aku tak kawin2 lagi. mungkin tuhan, nak aku temankan makayah aku la kot. ye la dr umur aku 13 sampailah kerja, aku asyik tak dok umah. aku mmg besar dgn nasi kawah! pas tu aku ingat lagi, mak aku pernah kata kat aku, engkau ni asyik tinggal org je, bila org tinggal kau sekali jer..kau rasa sedih sesangat. itu masa makayah aku pi mekah. masa depa call aku dari sana, aku yg sebak bergenang airmata bila bercakap kat phone, depa ok jer. then adik aku kata. tak sangka aku mcm tu, nampak mcm cool n strong tapi tak la jugak. ishh aku melalutlah...back to apa yg aku nak cite.

1st September
aku bangun je tidur, gosok gigi je tak mandi terus jadi full time maid. aku sapu, mop lantai, lap habuk atas tv, meja, kitchen cabinet, tingkap, buang sawang apa yg patut. aku mmg boleh kira mcm health, cleanliness freak gak ler. aku suka konsep minimalist dan yg penting bersih. aku tak boleh hidup dlm persekitaran yg kotor dan selerak. tp aku pun tak nafikan kadang bila penyakit M aku melanda, aku tak peduli gak le kat penyapu sampai minggu2 gak ler. somewhere in the noon baru aku siap. mandi makan n apa lg, tidur..letih. dalam pukul 4 aku bangun, mandi lagi. aku rajin mandi lak masa tu. around 5, aku tengok DVD awakenings, yg aku terpandang masa mengemas pagi tuh. cite tu best lah. cite pasal a shy doctor yg sgt dedicated dgn researchnya ttg satu penyakit pelik. akhirnya dia berjaya cipta satu ubat. so magical his patients tiba2 pulih. tapi utk satu jangka waktu je. then ada some chemical reaction menyebabkan patients back to old ones. penyakit tu dtg balik. walau dia tambah dos, ttp tak ok. the he realised. in life, yg paling pnting is the existence of friends and family around. kita selalu tak perasan ttg mereka. kita take for granted. doktor ni pun sama. ada sorang nurse yg selalu be with him day and nite tolong buta research dia. tp one day bila si nurse ni ajak minum, dia tolak. pasal malu lah konon2nya. walhal nurse takdak maksud lain sekadar kawan sekerja. so moralnya, kita kena perasan our surroundings. ini aku cakap utk diri aku gak. yg selalu mcm blur je. bukan aku sengaja pun. lepas habis tengok cite tu, aku terus tulis surat kat ita, cite pasal awakenings ni kat dia, pasal masa aku tgh tengok, dia ada call.

merdeka ke 50 tahun

esok malaysia akan sambut hari kemerdekaannya yg ke50. aku tau yg org dulu byk berjuang dgn tenaga dan akal fikiran utk mendapatkan kemerdekaan. nasib baik dekat sekolah dulu aku belajar sejarah. kalau nak harapkan aku cari dan baca semdiri, ampun sajalah agaknya. melaluinya aku tau jugaklah apa itu perit jerih nak memerdekakan negara tercinta ini. susahnya org dulu dulu berjuang utk mendaulatkan negara ini. banyak lagilah berkenaan sejarah asia tenggara dan tempat2 lain yg aku tau masa kat sekolah dulu. belajar tentang sejarah kesultanan melayu juga.

tapi bila aku tanya diri sendiri apa perasaan dan makna kemerdekaan itu pada aku? terus terang aku mcm tak rasa apa2 yg magic. aku tengok ramai yg kibarkan bendera kat kereta mereka, teringat mcm nak kibarkan juga kat kereta aku tapi bila aku cari bendera mini lama yg aku rasa mcm ada tersimpan kat glove compartment dalam kereta, tiadalah pulak. bendera tu kawan aku shahri masa tempat kerja lama yg bagi. aku tak pula rasa mcm nak pergi kedai beli satu utk meneruskan niat aku tu. aku bukan tak bersyukur atau tiada perasaan cintakan negara kerana aku rasa aku memang ada tinggi rasa sentimental dgn bangsa dan negara sendiri. tapi tu lah, susah aku nak describe apa yg aku rasa. macam biasa2 je. takdelah rasa 'spark' ke apa.

aku lebih relate dan melihat ke dalam diri aku. apa itu merdeka? aku masih tak rasa aku berfikiran merdeka. especially dalam pekerjaan utk menyara hidup aku ni. aku masih macam takut dan tak yakin dgn apa yg aku nak buat dalam hidup ini. sikit2 aku rujuk kat mak ayah atau kawan2 rapat. mereka memberi 1001 satu kenyataan yg akhirnya buat aku confuse dan aku tak move ke mana mana pun. alih alih aku still buat kerja yg aku rasa mcm nak termuntah. i really bored with this mundane life at work..serious!! sangat sangat. i keep on tukar kerja, sekarang ni ialah tempat kerja aku yg ke6 ! keenam enam kerja ini adalah kerja makan gaji dgn orang. yg tak berapa nak freedom aku rasakan. masa dan decision adalah bukan mutlak milik diri aku. kena ikut kemahuan majikan. nak buat macamana dah memang kerja dgn org so kenalah ikut dalam keterpaksaan. dan jadilah aku yg bukan diri aku. kadang2 aku termenung pjg memikirkan apa aku nak jadi nih? sampai ke saat ini aku masih berperasaan mcm tu.

apa2 pun selamat hari merdeka yg ke-50 utk malaysia.

dari dalam diri 1

mulai saat ini aku akan menulis the truth about me di sini. pasal aku dah macam bosan asyik nak cover, tak nak disclose my true feeling. aku dah bosan berpura-pura of not being me! lagi pun who cares..no one knows who i am in this virtual world.

aku akan mula cerita zaman aku kecil. aku anak askar. so biasalah selalu merantau. tukar sekolah tu perkara biasa, dah jadi part and parcel of my life. jadinya aku kenal dan jumpa pelbagai org tapi satupun tak lekat jd close friend aku, always on the run gitu. ala ala loneranger. so aku tak heran kalau sekarang ni bila dewasa aku macam selesa duduk sengsorang kat apartment, infact aku pun tak kisah sgt berjalan ke mana mana atau buat sesuatu seorang diri. ada kenalan aku kata aku ni macam memencilkan diri darinya dan kawan-kawan yg lain. macam anti social gitu. aku tak bermaksud begitu, it just me. aku pun tak nak paksa dia utk memahami who is the real me. latar belakang membentuk personaliti seseorang. itu aku percaya sgt. sekarang ni bila ayah pencen dan balik kampung...jadinya no childhood friends and no chilhood memories either! all gone with the wind di tempat baru kami called home.

masa kecik, aku lebih cendurung bermain dgn budak lelaki. main polis sentri, kejar-kejar, lawan-lawan, main kasut roda, main rounders, main berkelah kelah pusing semua blok kat dalam kem dan byk lagilah yg aku dah tak ingat. seingatnya, aku tak pernah main di kalangan all girls. mesti ada budak lelaki dalam group aku. so membesarlah aku menjadi perempuan yg tak pandai berperasaan manja dan gedik mcm budak perempuan lain. aku lebih ke arah cakap terus terang dan perkataan merajuk mmg tiada dalam kamus hidup aku. tak reti dan aku rasa tak perlu pun bersikap mcm tu, bukan org tau kalau kita buat perangai camtu. so kalau tak suka, atau tak setuju denagn sesuatu, i say it loud. itu mmg trademark aku yg aku bawa sampai sekarang.

Ti Amo

While driving back to my apmt from parents’ place last nite, (after the regular dinner) switched on the radio (red.fm to be exact) huh this song reminisced me of my schooling time. nothing to do with me being dumbed by a boy (infact i dun even have a special bf till now..i cldnt believe it myself!) I used to like this song very much. I remember written its lyrics at the last page of buku kerja !! I fell in luv with laura’s husky voice!

Ti amo, God how I love you so
My heart just won't let goDay after day
I'm still holdin' onEven though you're gone
Ti amo, wasn't I good to you?
I did all that I could do
To make you want to be here with me
I thought you loved meI can't believe you could just turn and leave
Y'did it so easilyYou pulled my world out from under me
Look what you've done to meHow could you end it this way
After the love that we made?God how I wish you had stayed
Can't you see that I just want you back?
Ti amo, I never had a clue that I was losin' you
You never once let me know you were lettin' me go
Oh, I guess it was there in your eyes
Guess it was there in your sighs
Guess it was there in your lies
I was blind then, couldn't face the end
Ti amo, thought we'd go on and on
Thought we had something strong
You pulled my world out from under me
Look what you've done to me

A House Is Not A Home

A chair is still a chair
Even when there's no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight,
And no one there you can kiss good night.
A room is still a room
Even when there's nothing there but gloom;
But a room is not a house,
And a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart.

Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it's just a crazy game
When it ends it ends in tears.
Darling, have a heart,
Don't let one mistake keep us apart.
I'm not meant to live alone.
Turn this house into a home.
When I climb the stair and turn the key,
Oh, please be there still in love with me.

The windows of the world

The windows of the world are covered with rain,
Where is the sunshine we once knew?
Everybody knows when little children play
They need a sunny day to grow straight and tall.
Let the sun shine through.

The windows of the world are covered with rain,
When will those black skies turn to blue?
Everybody knows when boys grow into men
They start to wonder when their country will call.
Let the sun shine through

why she has to do that?

why you have to say that infront of us?
why you keep on saying about that same thing?
why you have to again and again mumbling about that?
do you aware that we are bored bored bored of that.
maybe not we but me!

lessons i learned

in my years of lives i have learned quite a number of things...

1. must keep a secret to ourselves - this i learned from my mum. she used to tell me that. u cant disclose everythg abt your personal matter even to your closest person in your life. spare that to your own good self

2. when you have a problem, talk to the right person - this i figured out myself. there were many times when i was so depressed with something and started to blurted to everyone that i know. it was truly a disaster because instead of me doing the right thing, they were misled me to another problem.

3. dont expect others to help you, help yourself. - yes people do care about us but we are the one suffers, dont waste your time waiting, react. dont wait for others to help you instead start do something for yourself.

4. as a malay proverb says, buat baik berpada², buat jahat jangan sekali - i strongly believe in this. we never know that sometimes the one that we helps will be the one who will turn down us and maybe will be the one who is also taking advantage on us all the while witout realising it.

5. believe in your instict - sometimes our gut already warns or signals us on something but we always ignore that feeling inside. put into consideration to listen to your guts.

sorrow & in despair ?

Allah does not wrong people in any way;
rather it is people who wrong themselves.
(Surah Yunus: 44)


If you tried to number Allah's blessings,
you could never count them.
Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(Surat an-Nahl: 18)

Ampun

candid camera at work

i know you have found this new interest in photography but heyy, jangan aarr :-)

something worth sharing

APAKAH REZEKI DAN JODOH TELAH DI TULIS DI LAUH MAHFUDZ?


Pertanyaan.
Syaikh Muhammad bin Shalih Al-'Utsaimin ditanya : "Apakah rezqi dan jodoh juga telah tertulis di Lauh Mahfudz ?".

Jawaban.
Segala sesuatu sejak awal terciptanya Qalam sampai tiba hari Qiyamat telah tertulis di Lauh Mahfudz, karena sejak permulaan menciptakan Qalam Allah telah berfirman kepadanya : "Tulislah", Dia (Qalam) bertanya : "Wahai Rabb-ku, apa yang harus aku tulis?" Allah berfirman : "Tulislah segala sesuatu yang terjadi". Kemudian dia (Qalam) menulis segala sesuatu yang terjadi sampai hari kiamat. Juga diriwayatkan dari Nabi : "Artinya : Sesungguhnya janin yang ada dalam kandungan ibunya ketika telah melewati umur empat bulan, maka Allah mengutus Malaikat kepadanya yang meniupkan roh dan menulis rizqi, ajal, amal dan apakah dia celaka atau bahagia".

Rezqi juga telah tertulis dan ditakdirkan beserta sebab-sebabnya, tidak bertambah dan tidak berkurang. Sebagian dari sebab-sebab (rezqi) adalah pekerjaan manusia untuk mencari rezqi, sebagaimana firman Allah : "Artinya : Dia (Allah) adalah Tuhan yang telah menjadikan bumi tunduk (kepadamu), maka berjalanlah dia atas pundaknya dan makanlah sebagian rezqi-Nya dan kepada-nyalah tempat kembali" [Al-Maidah : 15] Sebagian dari sebab-sebab rezqi lagi adalah menyambung persaudaraan (sillaturrahim), termasuk berbuat baik kepada kedua orang tua dan menyambung hubungan keluarga, karena Nabi telah bersabda. "Artinya : Barangsiapa ingin dilapangkan rezqinya dan dipanjangkan umurnya, maka hendaklah dia menyambung persaudaraan (sillaturrahim). Sebagian sebab-sebab rezqi lagi adalah bertaqwa kepada Allah, sebagaimana firman Allah. "Artinya : Barangsiapa bertaqwa, maka Dia akan menjadikan baginya jalan keluar dan memberinya rezqi dengan tanpa disangka-sangka" [Ath-Thalaq : 2-3]

Janganlah anda mengatakan : "rezqi telah tertulis dan terbatasi dan aku tidak akan melakukan sebab-sebab untuk mencapainya". Karena pernyataan tersebut adalah suatu kelemahan. Sedangkan yang disebut kepandaian adalah kamu tetap berupaya mencari rezqi dan sesuatu yang bermanfaat bagimu, baik untuk agamamu maupun untuk duniamu. Nabi bersabda. "Artinya : Seorang yang pandai adalah orang yang mengoreksi dirinya dan beramal untuk bekal setelah mati, sedangkan orang yang lemah adalah orang hanya mengikuti hawa nafsunya dan berangan-angan" Sebagaiamana rezqi telah tertulis dan ditaqdirkan bersama sebab-sebabnya, maka jodoh juga telah tertulis (beserta sebab-sebabnya). Masing-masing dari suami istri telah tertulis untuk menjadi jodoh bagi yang lain. Bagi Allah tidak rahasia lagi segala sesuatu, baik yang ada di bumi maupun di langit.